Two blondes decided to share a can of Diet Coke. One carefully poured half into her own glass and the other half into her friend’s. Before throwing away the can, she glanced at the nutrition label.
“Look,” she said seriously, “it says there’s only one calorie in the whole can.”
Both women froze and stared at the two glasses sitting on the table, watching the bubbles rise as if the answer might magically appear.
After a long silence, one blonde slowly pushed her glass away.
“What’s wrong?” the other asked.
“I’m waiting to figure out which glass has the calorie.”
The second blonde frowned thoughtfully.
“I think yours does. It looks fuller.”
Immediately, they switched glasses.
A waitress eventually walked by and noticed neither drink had been touched.
“Is something wrong with your sodas?” she asked.
One blonde nodded nervously.
“We’re trying to avoid drinking the calorie.”
The waitress sighed and replied, “Well… good luck catching it.”
Late one evening, a man sat alone at a nearly empty bar, repeatedly ordering vodka and Coke. As the night wore on, he became quieter and more dramatic with every drink.
By midnight, the bartender finally asked, “Everything okay, sir?”
The man sighed deeply.
“My wife and I had a huge argument. She told me she wouldn’t speak to me for an entire month.”
The bartender nodded sympathetically.
“That’s rough. You should probably head home and work things out before it gets worse.”
The man looked devastated.
“You don’t understand,” he said sadly. “Tonight’s the last peaceful night.”
The bartender looked confused.
“What do you mean?”
The man groaned.
“Tomorrow she starts talking to me again.”
For a second the room went completely silent before the bartender burst into laughter.
A blonde woman pulled into a gas station, opened her hood, and checked the oil with the dipstick. After studying it carefully, she walked over to the attendant looking genuinely concerned.
“Excuse me,” she asked politely, “do you sell longer dipsticks?”
The attendant blinked in confusion.
“Why would you need a longer one?”
She held up the dipstick confidently.
“Because this one doesn’t reach the oil.”
The attendant pointed at the oil-covered tip.
“Ma’am, it already reached the oil. That’s why there’s oil on the end.”
The blonde stared at the dipstick in amazement.
“Ohhh…”
The attendant smiled, thinking the misunderstanding was solved.
Then she asked innocently:
“So… the oil rises up to meet the stick?”
The attendant slowly removed his hat, rubbed his forehead, and walked back inside while another customer nearly collapsed laughing beside the gas pumps.
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